In the United States we have a "Gun Violence Survivor's Week"???
For all of us left behind. We, the mothers, fathers and family members
are considered survivors. As if we survived a war. And we have.
Every day it feels like a war. A war of emotions. A constant battle to look
to the bright side. To see the glass half full. To put on the smile. To encourage
others and make the most of the lessons learned from the tragedy.
I am off work this week and will attend a Vigil. My first. A night to remember and
survive with other survivors. I do not do that much. I am always on stage leading
something...I am not used to sitting with others and observing.
They asked a few people to video themselves talking about their lost loved one.
How can I stand on stage and tell the world about my non profit, but to simply speak
about my Patrick.....it just shatters me. When I speak about helping kids in his honor
and all of the things we do...I can speak to a million people at a time. But, to think of him
and hear him and remember him ...... it is too close to home.
I am an expert at loss. I am an expert at putting on a smile and encouraging the world.
I am an expert at looking at the glass half full and seeing the light that comes out
of the darkness.....BUT......to do all of that.....a very, very thick wall has been built. A wall
to keep the sorrow and anger inside.
It has been five years since Packy passed away. Someday, I will be able to look at a home video.
That idea terrifies me.
And maybe someday, if I slow down enough, I will be able to take sledgehammer to that wall and crack it wide open. There are not pretty, happy Patricia smiles there. There are snarls and howls. It might frighten some of you. Don't take it personally. This is just a warning.
Any survivors out there? Please join us Wednesday night!